For foster youth who are searching, this is a plea. This is a plea to anyone who has been involved in the foster care system. Specifically, this is for that foster kid who has now grown up. You have worth. You are strong. You are loved.
It takes a great amount of strength to rebuild a life that is marked by an extremely complicated childhood. There aren’t any clear lines on how to define what relationships will look like after foster care. Foster parents, social workers, teachers, friends, biological family members. and other foster children make up a foster youth’s life.
Not all of those connections are positive and few will be long-lasting. Never be afraid to ask what the expectations are for those relationships later on. Similarly, be open to pursuing them years after leaving the system.
As an adult, there is nothing that outwardly differentiates a former foster youth. It’s unnecessary to tell someone that they don’t seem like a foster kid. Whether a co-worker asks about your holiday plans or a friend asks about your parents, there are unhealed wounds there.
It doesn’t have to be awkward anymore. It is up to the individual to decide how to explain their family. No matter the familial relationship for anyone, there are always going to be things about family not talked about.
Now that the table is set, take to heart that family is messy and difficult. A family is also a beautiful group of imperfect people who share the common value of taking care of each other.
If you are a foster kid searching for that sense of family, be willing to let people into your life. Let the right people into your life who will encourage, build up, and speak honestly with you. There is a community for you.